Weasel Stomping Day
by IzzyLawliet69
Summary: Songfic. Birthday one shot for Mello. Mello hates the Christmas season, so in retaliation he thinks up a horrible holiday that celebrates destruction. Soon, Mello has a crowd of followers. Will Mello be caught in his evil plans or will L stop him?


**Authoress' Note: Yay! Birthday fic for Mello! Honestly, Mello isn't of my favorite characters, but I forgot to write L a birthday fic since I was so busy, so I figured this was the least I could do. Yes, it's a song fic to "Weasel Stomping Day," by Weird Al Yankovic. I was listening to this song and instantly thought of Mello, so I tried to make this as in character and awesome as possible. **

**I don't own Death Note or any relative terms/names, nor do I own the song or it's lyrics, most unfortunately :/**

**Reviews please! :3

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_Faces filled with joy and cheer  
What a magical time of year  
Howdy-ho it's Weasel Stomping Day_

Pale blue eyes scanned the multitude of laughing children, their faces alight with kindred spirit. A grimace was painted on the young boy's face as he took in the regular holiday cheer normally present at that institution, Wammy's House. Blankets of snow had covered the ground the previous night, making the whole Christmas season all the more festive.

Mello trudged through the snow with much difficulty. Even in the heavy winter frost, he refused to take off his ever-present combat boots. Frowning deeply, the blonde haired boy yanked open the glass door before him. Even inside the warm building genius children from the age of four all the way to fourteen littered the rooms and hallways, giggling and jokes flitting through the air. Mello had one destination—his room, where he could partake in video game competitions with his red headed roommate, Matt.

While walking through the many hallways, a thought occurred to the boy-genius. _I could kick a few puppies right about now if it meant these kids would all just shut up._

_Put your viking helmet on  
Spread that mayonaise on the lawn  
Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day_

"Hey Matt?" Mello asked quietly from his comfortable spot on his bed. He had a cigarette (which was snuck in from the big city) dangling haphazardly from his mouth as he spoke. With his foot propped up on his leather clad leg, he was lounging casually.

Matt gave a noise that showed Mello the red head had his attention.

Mello continued, "Wouldn't it be cool if they had a holiday—no, that sounds to happy… A day—where mass destruction was celebrated? Like a day where we could all go kick someone or something."

Gaping openly, Matt paused his Mario Kart race before turning to his best friend and roommate. "Are you crazy?" Mello snorted, giving Matt permission to explain his thought process. "We'd all be dead! You really are an evil genius, Mel."

Tsking, Mello rolled onto his side. He stared at the blank white wall in front of him and thought about going to the government to make "Kick a Puppy Day" a federal holiday.

_All the little girls and boys  
Love that wonderful crunching noise  
You'll know what this day's about  
When you stomp a weasel's guts right out_

Red locks shook back and forth as Matt tried to convince Mello that, no, he could not make a holiday to crush/kick/hurt anything. But no matter how much he denied such an idea, Mello would think of more reasons as to why something like that would be the best thing in the world.

"You just don't get it. Go shoot something and maybe you'll understand how satisfying a whole day of hurting things would be! I'm telling you, this is the best idea ever!" Mello yelled excitedly, placing his hands on his head in exasperation.

Just then, an innocent little bug decided to crawl across the boys' room. Eying the critter, Mello whispered (as if the bug could hear his plan), "Step on it."

Matt was seriously questioning his friend's sanity, but complied to the blonde's demands anyway. As his heavy shoe came down on the six-legged creature, a loud and painful crunch sounded out in the small room. A smile spread across Matt's thin lips. Sickening thoughts swam around in his brain; thoughts of killing more things. "You know, you may be onto something, Mels."

Mello so wanted to blurt out, "I told you so!" but willed the urge away. In due time, he thought, everyone would feel that same crunch beneath their feet, recognize that small spark of giddiness that spread throughout one's body when inflicting harm upon others.

_So come along and have a laugh  
Snap that weasely spine in half  
Grab your boots and stomp your cares away  
Hip-hip-hooray it's Weasel Stomping Day_

Pale, almost white fingers picked up one blank puzzle piece after blank puzzle piece. The small fingers quickly filled in the whole picture, which was just white, before breaking the puzzle and starting over again. Two fingers twisted in curly white locks absentmindedly as colorless eyes scanned the situation before the small genius. Sighing almost inaudibly, Near glanced up from under his mass of unruly hair. His eyes took in a streak oh blonde and red rush past him in a blur. Curious as to why they were in such a hurry, Near shakily stood on his feet before slowly walking out of the play room intended for the younger children at Wammy's House.

Once in the community room, Near stopped his deliberately slow pace and scanned the area around him. Mello, the second heir to L, and Matt, the third, talked animatedly. Mello glanced over at Near. The albino boy was surprised when, instead of his usual witty insult, a smile (a sinister smile, but a smile nonetheless) was directed toward him. In a "come hither" fashion, Mello invited Near into the conversation he was just in.

Cautiously Near stepped closer to the two boys in front of him, his lips twisted into a small frown. Matt turned to him and merely stared, shocked at Mello's lack of hostility toward his one and only enemy. Ignoring the odd behavior of the two in front of him, Mello said very loudly, "Matt and I want you to join us… Join us in what we call 'Destruction Day.' Go get some boots from my room and meet us outside so the fun can begin."

At his skeptical look, Matt explained, "We're going to go stomp on things and kick people. Fun, right?" Near remained unconvinced. "You'll see once you take that first leap of faith… Come on Near! Don't be such a wuss!"

Near mulled over his words for a moment. Finally, he came to a decision. "I actually have some homework to do. I'll see about joining you later. Have fun on your… Destruction Day." He began walking away when something dawned on him. "Oh, and Mello? Happy Birthday."

_People up and down the street  
Crushing weasels beneath their feet  
Why we do it, who can say  
But it's such a festive holiday_

After their short meeting with Near, Mello and Matt paraded all around the grounds of Wammy's House in search of people wanting to share in their newfound holiday. Before too long, a small trail of kids followed the two teenagers around the grassy fields at the orphanage, stomping and satisfying crunches heard everywhere. To Mello, it seemed like those kids were happier causing harm than when they were running around foolishly. Laughing and smiles all around, the blonde knew that Destruction Day was the perfect thing to leave these children with before he left that place.

Even though they were enjoying the act of killing, the kids stomping around didn't really get why they were doing what they were doing. All they knew was that they liked it, and a lot. Some kids were having such a good time, they ran off only to bring back four or five of their friends with them.

Smiling widely, Mello brought down his foot on a giant spider. His eyes lit up once again with that spark of insanity that would soon take over his whole being.

_Hey everyone it's Weasel Stomping  
We'll have some fun on Weasel stomping  
Put down your guns it's weasel stomping  
Daaaaayyyy_

_Hip-hip-hooray it's Weasel Stomping Daaaaayyyyy  
Weasel Stomping Day, Hey_

"Destruction! Destruction! Destruction!" a large group of joyous kids shouted from all around the campus. Mello was leading the whole ordeal with his fist pumping in the air to the time of the chants. His face was nearly split in two from the enormity of his grin.

The sun was shining brightly, no clouds visible in the cyan sky. Smiles of children and the very friendly feeling of a large family lit up the whole scene as more things were destroyed. Surveying his surroundings with a twinkle in his eye, Mello thought to himself, _this is truly the best birthday yet. _

A tap on his shoulder knocked the blonde birthday boy out of his thoughts. "Sir Mello, just what do you think you're doing?" A rough, gravelly voice asked too politely. Turning around, Mello saw Watari smiling gently at him.

"Yes, Mello, what seems to be going on here?" L, his hero, his idol, his everything, asked from only a few feet away.

"Uh-uh-uh… Nothing?" A nervous smile wiped his giddy grin away. _I spoke too soon…

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**Authoress' Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELLO, WHEREVER YOU MAY BE ROAMING IN HELL! You can now drink in America, isn't that just wonderful? **

**Anywho, I hope you guys liked this short little one shot of a song fic. I'm still writing Cherry Bubblegum (I'm actually writing the next chapter like right now…), so just be patient! I wanted to get this out first though… **

**In other news, I'm now looking for a Beta reader. I'd really like to start writing on a schedule (weekly stories/chapters, hopefully), and I never get around to editing and beta-ing my own stories, so I'd like the second opinion before posting anything. Message me or whatever you beta readers do to tell me you wanna beta my awesomess :P **

**Reviews appreciated! :3**

**Ja ne!**


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